setasaway's Blog

I have made a few promises this year, and I intend to keep them all. I didn’t think that it would be so darn difficult to keep up with them though. One of my most recent promises, which I have told to a few of my friends is that I won’t be playing video games. This is because my brother is doing absolutely terrible in school, all because he is always playing games. I doubt it would be very nice if I was playing while he had to just sit back and watch. I think that I’m going into Gaiden withdrawal though, I really want to do something that requires all of my attention.

I also made a promise to myself to get to unit 8’s by the beginning of Christmas break. Time has been going so fast that I realized that Christmas break is at the end of next week! It’s incredible, there are just so many things to do for school. I am only on two unit 8’s right now, and the rest of courses need at least a unit or two to hit that self-imposed deadline.

There is one more promise, but I made this one to myself. It is a pretty strong promise, and I really want to make sure that I stick to it; I have had no problems doing so so far. There are so many things standing in the way though. Speaking of things, my days have gotten so busy, because of all of my extracurricular activities, my hobbies and just school work in general. As if it isn’t enough that I’m taking 8 courses, a lot of them have stupid trips that I have to go on that I don’t want to go on; they just seem like a waste of time.

I’ve also really gotten into different types of music recently. Most notably, really slow instrumental songs, Spanish music (merengue, salsa, that kind of thing), and a lot of old sounding songs. I still like all the music that I listen to before, but it just seems like the horizon has broadened. I also developed a strange taste for jazz. Concerning extracurricular activities, they are extremely satisfying. I love being able to go swimming, and what makes it even more enjoyable is the fact that almost all of the people on the team are polite, pleasant people. Although one of two of them are somewhat loud at times, they are still decent people. One of them actually remembered who I was today! I was thinking of also trying out for the table tennis team again, just to add a little extra bit to my university application. My friend who was on the team last year says that they aren’t too stringent about practices, so I shouldn’t have too much of a problem juggling both swimming and ping pong. It is starting to get difficult to decide on what to work on each night though; I don’t usually do math at home, but I find myself doing either one of my two science courses, English or food here instead. I’ve also been pretty tired lately, and my shoulders have been mega-sore due to the sheer amount of swimming I due each week now (four out of seven days). In conclusion, my days are crammed with stuff to do, and sometimes there just isn’t enough time to do all of them.

Here is today’s song. I like it, because it has very positive lyrics, and is very happy/upbeat.

Lightning,
Heron’s cry
Stabs the darkness

It burns like a fire, all-consuming, yet you wish to feed it to watch it grow into something larger. It crawls inside your chest, like a fetid warmth, something you know is terrible, but it feels so good. It makes enemies out of all, subject not to reason, but to whim. It clogs rational thought, bleeds through every orifice, and grants power. To direct it to someone, to something, is natural; it is the ability to hate.

Your shallow ambitions, that ridiculous false smile on your face; I can see through it all. Don’t pretend to be silent, I know you have something to say. You believe you can fool me? I know what you are, I know the kind of person you will be, what you will become. Your false ideas and thoughts, material possessions do not maintain like immaterial actions, thoughts and feelings. You steal. Mislead me will you, with your false words, the missed opportunity, you say ‘oh no, it was too late, just missed the boat’. I am no fool, I can see through your lies. For your own purposes, you try and destroy my future, because you are too lazy to try at your job; your facade crumbles under dedicated observation. I have no idea who would bother with a slug like you; everyone despises you and you see it every single day, in the way they talk and act towards you. You believe you have support, you wish to validate your actions. Anyone can tell you it is wrong. Your weak, pitiful excuses make me laugh. Collective strength is one thing; your individual talents pale in comparison to anyone I know.

Hatred comes and goes, but when you get it, sometimes it is…intoxicating. Like anger, it brings a feeling of power, a motivation so strong that you truly feel you can do anything. It pulses through your body, like an adrenaline rush. If anyone was wondering, no the above section is not one person. If I felt that strongly about someone, I would have done something else than post in this blog. I need not explain the song below, it speaks for itself.

Sick and feverish
Glimpse of cherry blossoms
Still shivering.

I am missing snow right now. Just reading my friend’s personal message has led me to remember all the great winters where we got tons of snow; so much in fact that we were able to construct huge snow sculptures, or just things that we could play with. Like the time that we built a igloo that was as big as the whole damn backyard. And the backyard is about the size of a portable. We hollowed out the inside, and then we went inside. Surprisingly, it is warmer inside when the heat is insulated with something that is a good insulator like snow. It still does not feel like Christmas in the morning, when you can look out the window and see that the grass is still green, and the sky is bright with no signs of snow at all. It reminds me of Florida, or Cuba, when they don’t get any snow year round, but instead weather that we can only wish for in the summer time. There are some things that you can forget, but there are some things that are impossible to forget, whether it is because of something that was a great, amazing memory that you wish to keep with you forever, or it is something terrible that happened to you which is impossible to forget just because it was so bad.

For me, all of my good memories I will try to keep forever; why would I want to lose them? Many of them I have pictures for, such as almost all the times that I spent with Jessica. I have pictures for almost all of these times, except for the CN Tower unfortunately. The view from up there was spectacular. Other memories, such as the biggest and greatest snowfalls (about 4 I think?) we have tons of pictures from there. Camping also contains some great memories, like the times that we went canoeing, biking and hiking around the entire area. Travelling around the world too contains some great memories: China, Cuba, Vancouver, Florida, Washington and Jamaica. My hope for the future is that I will be able to back to Asia sometime, but not just to China. Maybe Japan and Korea as well, because…well why wouldn’t I want to go visit these places? I have seen a lot of good things from these places, and there are many things that you can only buy in these places (like Banc hoodies).

I have some pretty bad memories too that I would like to forget, like the time that I ended up in the hospital from allergies. Actually more like times, but the first few memories of this are pretty sketchy, because I was really young when it happened. I swear that I got airlifted the first time, because I remember thinking ‘cooool’ when I was dying in the chopper. Anyway, some other pretty crappy memories would be seeing some of my relatives dying, seeing my great-grandmother in the hospital because of a stroke, and my grandfather ALSO ending up there as well because of the same reason. I would also like to forget all the times that I spent in Kumon; I hated almost every single time that I spent doing work or just being at the place. It felt like a sweatshop, because these people seriously don’t care whether you learn the concepts properly or not, they just want you to go from level to level quickly. I’m pretty sure that the head instructor gets some extra money every time someone at their centre finishes a program. There are a few others, but I don’t feel like mentioning them; not because they aren’t bad enough but I really don’t want to remember them at all, and writing about them will probably bring them back. I will leave you with this song now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLgJQukoFFk

I found that there are many people that make desperate grabs for attention, no matter how stupid or desperate it seems. There are many methods that they take, and one of those is that stupid desperate grab for attention Twitter. As soon as I heard about the site, I knew that it was going to be ridiculous. Do you honestly feel that the world needs to know your every action, every feeling at that precise moment? Does it make you feel good when somebody comments on your actions? “Good Luck! Good Job! I wish I was there!”. I’ve got news to tell you; nobody really cares okay? Sure, if the event involves somebody, or if it provides information about something, than by all means. But people do not need to know that you are cold. They do not need to know that there is a fat person sitting beside you on a bus. Why? BECAUSE IT DOES NOT INVOLVE THEM. All your tweets, or status updates, or whatever you call them do, is show just how desperate your cry for attention really is. I personally could not care less if you sat beside Obama and got to shake his hand. I might say ‘cool’, but really I don’t care. If it is something that impacts your life, you get injured, you need help sure do it. If I were you though, I would be using a cell phone to call for help though…honestly, it just makes more sense. Hell, calling somebody to tell them about what is happening makes a lot more sense than tweeting the crap to everybody.

The need to feel attention, for people to want to notice you is everywhere in everybody, with an exception of a few people, who I don’t really care about so they will be, yes, excluded once again. Anyway, even if everybody has the desire to be noticed, that doesn’t mean that they go about it the same way. Some people (the ones that are the best in my point of view) simply make friends, and whenever they have a chance they can talk about their experiences and whatnot. The OTHER people feel the desire to broadcast what has happened to them to the whole wide world. “Hey look guys! I bought this brand new car and I need everybody to comment on it or some trash because it’s so awesome!”. You know what? If it’s so amazing I will notice it anyway, so why would you bother annoy me by giving me this stupid blurb informing me of what YOU think I should care about; it doesn’t work that way. If I don’t see you, then I’ll probably find it out by word of mouth, like it’s supposed to be.

The bottom line? Keep your little useless tidbits of second-by-second updates to yourself, because seriously, nobody is going to care about how you got a hangnail from trying to move your computer. If it’s important let it spread, but keep your personal useless stuff to yourself.

On a bright note, we got our Christmas tree today. It is a nice one, not too big, and not too small. I love the smell of the fresh pine needles. As soon as we brought it into the house, the effect was immediate; the aromatic smell drifted through the whole bottom floor and made the house smell wonderful. The Christmas spirit really does seem to be coming back, even though there isn’t any sign of snow yet. The cold is seeping in, and it’s getting darker much earlier now. Can’t wait until Christmas break! Everyone is going to be coming back!

Song: I think this song has a pretty awesome beat, although I don’t agree with the title at all.

Why is it that I can make people happy, but I can never do it for the people that matter the most. Why is it easier to talk to new people, but for the ones that you really want to talk to it is so difficult to do it? I used to find talking to different people difficult, but now its vice-versa; the closer I am to someone, the harder it is to make conversation, while talking with newer people seems like the easiest thing in the world. I don’t want to be able to keep making friends, but not be able to talk to the old ones without having to think forever to create conversation. Furthermore, there are so many things that I am able to bring up with new people that it doesn’t make any sense that I shouldn’t be able to create conversation with someone that I’m supposed to be close to.

How did I learn this? Well, I was just screwing around with Omegle to have some fun, and to see if I could run into any of the interesting characters that I’ve heard so much about. I ran into a few of them and outflamed them much to my own enjoyment. There were the other kind, who left as soon as you said that you were a male. And there were other people, that came on just to talk, which, in this case were probably the best people. Even though they kind of lacked a personality, and their English wasn’t too good (two of them were from Europe =S). I did get to have a nice conversation with them however, and we got to talk about problems and offered each other suggestions. Even though they aren’t as good as my real friends, they are people to talk to when my friends aren’t available; also it’s pretty amusing in some cases.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnkvhi1XOR8&feature=fvst

Have you ever had a moment when there was something that was constantly on your mind, but you were just never able to find the right answer? I hate things like this, when there are many different answers, and when you ask other people about their opinions, all they do is voice the different answers that you have already thought up. One of these things is regarding university, and repeated courses. I have no idea what to do about them now, as I on the cusp of making a decision (I need to have a final answer by Monday), but there is still no valid, authoritative figure that has given me a straight answer.

Do you like playing games? I like games. In fact I love games. Except there comes a time when it crosses the line. I have a few examples, and right now I have the time to talk about all of them. For starters, lets start off with the most obvious one of them all. Video games. Since the beginning of the school year, I have drastically cut back on the amount of hours I spend logged into playing games, because I know what is important, and right now school work is king. There are not many things that are able to drag me away from enjoying something, but not only have video games lost the thrill that they used to hold over me. Unfortunately, my brother doesn’t think so. My mother just had a interview with his teacher, and it turns out that he isn’t doing so well in school. Not only is he not really paying attention to the assignments, but he tries half-heartedly at them, not really caring about the mark that comes in. I used to be like this…up until summer when I changed my attitude towards school in general, and has it ever shown. The only game that I play sparingly now is Ninja Gaiden II; this game is ridiculously hardcore and the only thing that offers any challenge anymore.

You might be wondering what other games may I have been talking about earlier? Simply, the ones that involve other people, specifically playing with someone’s head. I used to love messing around with other people and how they think, leading them from one thing to the next. I don’t do this anymore, I’m too much of a pacifist now ><. Anyway, with the people that like to do these things, you can never tell what they are trying to accomplish. I used to be too hot-tempered to be able to deal with these things; whenever someone wanted to make me angry, or any form of this emotion it always worked. I play right into it, because that anger masked everything else, I would be too infuriated to think properly and things almost always went downhill from there. That time is over. I keep my head on all the time, and avoid rash actions, because there is nothing worse than doing something that you will regret. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses, some are more obvious than others For instance, you may think a person is perfect, with no faults whatsoever, but sometimes thats due to a narrow vision; sometimes you don't look at the whole picture. You may be seeing them in the limelight all the time, but that doesn't mean they are the same way offstage. Fact is, the stronger a person's strengths are, usually the greater the weaknesses. For example, I know a friend that is pretty much in complete control of his life, has his school work under control and is managing his friends and social life as well. His weakness is his relationship; it is not doing so good, and this small little thing is making him feel terrible. Even though everything else is so strong and positive, all strengths, this small weakness can cripple him at any given time. Finding weaknesses is sometimes easy, and at other times difficult, it all depends on the person that you are looking at. I myself don't go around looking for them, but when I want to I can find them easily, because it's what I used to do back in grades 9-10, when I had no life. I suppose you can consider the weakness an Achilles heel of sorts; the stronger they are, the harder that weakness hits them if it gets struck the right way.

Speaking of which, I was talking to a close-ish friend yesterday on the computer, and it seemed that their head was getting messed around with, not because of another person, but instead, it was self-inflicted. They were still having trouble adjusting to a huge change in their life, and I think that I had managed to make a difference in the way they were thinking; their personal message changed to something more positive. It made me feel pretty good that I still had the knack of being able to help people. The issue wasn't jealousy exactly, but it was something…I don't know. I've felt it before too, but I don't know the word which describes it, if that word exists. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but lets just say that it feels really good to help someone, and can see marked improvements.

There is one more thing that I want to talk about; common sense. It's a very interesting piece of sociology, not because our entire society relies on it to establish the norms of everyday life, but because there are a remarkable amount of people that seem to lack it to some degree or another. For instance, a person can talk about something that is blatantly rude, offensive or otherwise to another person, yet appear to be completely calm and blatantly unaware of just how impudent they are being. Me being me, I don't ever mention anything to the person, but I can't help but feel shocked at how they are not able to understand what they are doing or saying. Granted, it may not be as abusive or offensive to the person that they are talking to, but sometimes it is, and just that specific topic or theme that they are discussing, it should be bloody obvious that someone would be uncomfortable with it. For instance, a person talking to a high school drop-out about higher education or university. Just a note here, I am assuming that the person has prior knowledge of the other person's situation. Not only does this seem like taunting them, dangling the prize just beyond their reach, but it's also cruel. The sad part is that they just don't know what they are doing. Or would it be worse if they DID know? Is ignorance really bliss? Some questions are better left unanswered, but sometimes answers need to be given to unasked questions.

Oh yes, and that little thing that I’ve been questioning since this morning? I’ve found the answer for it now. Despicable.

This song has nothing to do with the post above, but I like it because it has a good beat. Something…

Over the weekend, my dad and brother bought the bootleg movie “Surrogates” from some Chinese place that wasn’t Pacific Mall, so I decided that I might as well watch it, because the trailers that I had seen in the theaters made it look very intriguing. Basically, it is about a futuristic world where people are able to interact with reality through ’surrogates’ which are basically robots that they can control from their home. Through these surrogates, they are able to vicariously experience real life situations in bodies that are not their own; in fact their surrogates may look like whatever the owner chooses, even going so far as being a different gender. The owners experience all of these things while lying down in a bed-like device with technical apparatus strapped up to their body, to create a full sensory experience. What is noticeable immediately though, is that the owners no longer take care of their own bodies because they have surrogates; they do not shave, do not exercise, do not care anything about their physical appearance at all. At the climax of the movie, I found myself really appreciating my own body, because I try very hard to make sure that I am healthy and fit, so that I don’t have to worry about problems later on. Later, when I went upstairs to shower, I looked in the mirror and felt really proud. At first, I hadn’t recognized the person in the mirror, because I have changed a lot physically and mentally over the years that I last looked at myself seriously in the mirror. That person in the mirror was no longer the socially inept outcast, the boring, mean and rude loner that I used to be. Instead, I was…me. There aren’t really many times that I find myself thinking this way, but that movie got that point across to me pretty well; appreciate your body and don’t take it for granted.

Speaking of which, I had swim team practice today. The first 3/4 of the practice went pretty well, but…during the last quarter I was dying. For those of you who don’t know, I was in the hospital during the end of summer, because my mom had given something to me that had something that I was allergic to. Needless to say, I had an anaphylaxis attack, and I had to go to the hospital. After I was released, I noticed that my lungs were significantly weaker than they used to be; it was a real struggle to breathe the amount that I used to. Over the course of a week this disappeared. Then when I rode to school later, I found that I was out of breathe again; the problem persisted, but it disappeared again after a week or so. Judging from my performance in the pool today, I still have this problem. The workout that we did today I should have had no problem doing; my stamina was still there, I just wasn’t getting enough oxygen into my body to my muscles, and because of this the lactic acid buildup was definitely hindering my performance. Even though I have been exercising regularly, I have not been doing any serious cardiovascular workouts, which would help to strengthen my lungs.

Speaking of the swim team, they are really cool people. Some of the other members gave me advice to help me with my stroke, my starts and my rollovers. They are supportive, and willing to help each other whenever it’s possible. It’s like a big family. I need to start doing some intense swimming between now and next Friday for the meet.

There are more things that I want to talk about, but I am reallyy tired from today’s swim T_T. I’m sorry! I will try and make tomorrow’s post more detailed. I will leave you with this song now, which reflects how I was feeling for pretty much the whole day today. P.S baking is fun!

I went to the Ontario Science Centre today for a school trip which I get a unit for my Health Science course. Anyway, I went in expecting to have to spend the whole trip by myself wondering around to random exhibits. Luckily, there were not one but two other friends that had gone on the trip for other courses (this trip had a whole ton of other courses attending, like Exercise Science). When we were allowed to walk around and do whatever we wanted, the first exhibit that we visited was the Weston Family Innovation Centre. In this room, there were tons of innovative, interactive activities that you could try out which demonstrated various scientific…things. One such cool activity involved two musical instruments that were hooked up to a translucent container with speakers at the bottom. Inside the container was a dark, viscous looking liquid. It`s surface was placid, but when the instruments were used, it created these amazing crystalline shapes in a 4 x 4 grid. When I was playing with this, it reminded me of the Biosphere in Montreal, where there was a large water-based activity room. Inside there were tons of fun things to do involving water, including trying to build a functioning dam, a pumping faucet, walking on water with water-walkers, and a small boat activity involving currents and propellers. There were also many other great activities scattered throughout the biosphere, but I think that the best was at the top floor. Here, it was a giant sitting room, with glass walls facing three directions, providing a phenomenal view of Montreal, as well as the surrounding area. It was breathtaking, as it was raining/starting to stop, and the air was extremely clear. There were recorded bird calls being played as well, giving a tranquil atmosphere. We stayed around there for a while, checking out some of the small activity boxes that were spaced evenly throughout the room. I’m drifting a bit off topic here aren’t I ><.

To get back on topic, the rest of the trip was alright, except the food was ridiculously expensive, so I didn't buy anything, except for a bag of chips which cost 2 bucks. Honestly, I would have preferred to have been at school today, because there are just so many things to do that it honestly seemed like a waste of time, even though I get a free unit. I missed the photoshoot for OKOF which I really wanted to be in, because all my friends were in it but me T_T. I also need to talk to my guidance counselor regarding some university things and my courses, I need to hand in some units, and I need to do another Advanced Functions test. Over the course of this week, I have a swim team practice tomorrow after school; did I mention that this is the first practice and that we have a MEET to go to on Friday. Which is a PA day. In Hamilton. Sighh so busy, and some of my friends wanted to hang out on Friday too. There are so many things to do, but the good thing is that I've managed to get my organization together once again and it feels great! I'm going to go shower now, I feel pretty gritty; I was just cutting some wood in the garage and got sprayed by sawdust. I smell like a lumber mill.

Today`s song:

Today has been very…interesting to say the least. To start the day off, I spent period 2 in the computer lab learning about the university applications. I already know the programs that I want to apply to, so this is nothing new. However, I did learn that Waterloo apparently doesn’t like repeated courses…and I’m taking two of them. I will be talking to my guidance counselor soon hopefully within the next 5 days to consider whether I should drop one of my repeated courses. During period 3 of today, Jeffrey was feeling hungry, but he had left his lunch at home by accident, so I gave him the combination to the lock for my bike. Imagine how surprised I was when he came back inside five minutes later…and said that there were only two bikes outside in the stand. And there was my lock, cut in half with the wire still there. Someone had stolen my bike. I was pretty angry, because I had had this bike for 4-5 years, BECAUSE my old bike had been stolen. What hurts even more is that there are people out there that would even consider stealing another person’s bicycle at a school. This is just disappointing, because there have been a lot of thefts happening in and around the school lately. I reported the theft to the school administration, but I don’t really have any hope of getting it back; in Waterloo there are so many bikes out there that look like mine, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same way here in Toronto. However, I was really happy because when my friends heard about this, they were very sympathetic towards my cause; Jeffrey even offered to give me an iPod that he found to sell for some money to get a new bike. Naturally I turned this down, because it was my own fault that I hadn’t brought a better lock, even though my dad wouldn’t let me use the U-lock which is a lot stronger and more reliable.

My bike having been stolen, it made me recall all the memories I’ve ever had involving bikes. Such memories like when I was camping with my family, and I rode everywhere, over dirt lumps and rocks. It was exhilarating, feeling the cool air blowing on my face, and smelling the pines and earth as I tore around the campsites. I also remembered the bike-car that me and Jessica rode on the boardwalk in Montreal. It was a lot faster than I thought it would be; we were zooming up and down the boardwalk really fast. With the cool breeze, and the bright, warm sunlight it was perfect. There was also this massive Asian family that had crammed into one bike-car; there were about 6 of them in total inside it. We blasted past them just for fun, and it was funny to watch them all pedaling like mad to try and catch up. They never stood a chance! These are some of the best times of my life, and I will never, ever forget them.

On the bright side, I made the swim team! I felt elated when I saw my name on the list, because I had seriously doubted that I would have made it onto the team; the last practice that we had didn’t go too well for me. There are some other things that I would love to talk about, but maybe those topics belong to another day. Right now, there are things to be done, so I will log in some time to tell you about them later! Ciao!

P.S: I’ve decided to put a song at the end of every post, which I feel reflects my mood at the moment of posting.

Today’s is:

Today, while working on the kitchen, and while I was in the van, I heard a lot of Christmas carols on the radio, even though it isn’t even December yet. One of the songs, ‘Santa Baby’ stuck out at me, not because of the beat, or the music itself, but because of the lyrics. The woman that was singing was giving off the exact opposite of what Christmas is really supposed to be about; she sang of commercialism, materialism and greed. All she sang about was what she wanted to get from Santa, what he could give her. Things like yachts, signed blank checks, and cars were among her many wants. It was really disturbing too, because this song was made about 40-50 years ago, and yet this is almost exactly what Christmas has become in our day and age. I myself, last year, fell victim to it, as, not being too happy with the present that my parents had gotten my cousin Mindy, went out and bought her a 300 dollar iTouch, because she had given me such a nice gift. Now that I think about it, even though it was good to get her a nice gift, it wasn’t as if I myself had put any time and effort into it; all I did was go out, spend money on something and wrap it. I’ve always wondered why Christmas never felt the same since I was twelve, when it had a special feeling and meaning to me, and now I know why. It might even be the fact that people ’save’ their time by putting X-mas instead of Christmas, crossing out Christ from the word.

Especially all these special ‘Christmas Sales’, for businesses to get their products out on the shelves to make more profit. It’s about who gets the nicest gift, the most expensive gift, the best looking gift. No longer are the values that were so important during this season even given a second thought anymore. Everybody just wants more this, more that. Christmas is now about receiving, and not giving.

THIS year, I’m going against this. My gifts are not going to be bought. I’m going to hand make each and every single gift that I’m giving out this year. I want this Christmas to be the best, and I want that feeling back, the feeling that made this season feel so special to me when I was younger. Corporations, you can throw all the advertisements and commercials you want at me, but I will not budge. I’m not going to spend a single cent on your cruddy products. Good riddance commercialism. I welcome in the classic holiday spirit.

Here’s a song to help that feeling along, an old classic that I like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vPfOjAw5Z0